Category: Writers Block
2 6 01
Memory Of Tears
I remember it like it was yesterday,
Our walk to the auditorium,
The laughter like sunshine.
Then the sign for quiet,
The silence striking me like a gunshot.
Then came the delivery of the speech,
“You all know Josh has been sick.”
No, that’s wrong. It didn’t make any sense.
But the message was all too clear.
My best friend was gone,
And he was never coming back.
Then it hit me,
I wanted to get up and run,
But something stronger than me held me back.
I cried so hard,
My tears formed waterfalls,
With a heartache as big as a mountain,
That may never go away.
Then the questions,
Why Josh?
It’s a god-thing,
It happens to all of us at some time in our lives.
And why didn't I say the most important words?
I never told him I loved him,
And I never said goodbye.
Maybe I was too shy,
Or maybe I didn’t know better.
And all I could think of was my last comment,
“You better write me!”
Every time I smell the smoke of fire,
I think of him.
All our special times
Of us sitting by the fire at camp.
So now that I'm older,
And maybe a little wiser,
I hope I never make the same mistake,
I will always speak my mind.
You write with great honesty and clarity..the line witha heartache as big as a mountain..hmm try replacing mountain with ocean...as in an ocean of tears..it will sound less clumsy...and that may never go away...could be re-written as that may overflow...as if your tears would cause the ocean to flood the land..dry with grief..the metaphors must work and flow together to link the story...though I'm maybe not the best 1 to give advice..smile..on the whole this is a good effort you just need to spend some time re-reading...and being honest about where you could make improvements..writing is all about being honest with yourself and damned hard work...smile..
Wow. You have such good writing. Smiles
hey kitty, I mean Jo. This is beautiful. I really like it.
Peace,
Karrie